winter.

The work thing is still happening, since 2 days now, and will till somebody decides differently. He's judging me, testing, giving me harder tasks every time we meet. I feel tired, of smiling and make it seem right. Trying to convince myself by pretending (putting on a mask) that this is what I want and what I'm good at. I am sort of good that is right, but the more I do it, and the more he is happy with my work the less I'm interested. It just takes too long. Somehow I imagined this all a little different.

My first test was to retouch a movie of a girl with a baby, I passed without any problems. I sat 6 hours without a break staring into my too dark screen. With a lot of detail I've done whatever I could to make this image look beautiful. He said he liked it, I've done exactly what he wanted. It felt good to hear compliments but on the other side I feel empty, because for the first time what I'm doing is not mine, will never have my name written in the credits. I'm sure it's worth nothing the image itself, compared to what I'm supposed to learn in the next months. Still it gives me a weird feeling.

It snowed again today, a couple of weeks ago I've hoped not to see the snow this year.

I also had a bad dream last night, don't even know why. It's distracting me all day, everytime I try to be focused or relax it comes back to me. Stuff like this makes me not wanna go to sleep again.